Just under four weeks ago the man who loved me first and loved me longest left. At the age of 80, my father, (who had walked 5 miles 10 days prior) died in hospital due to complications from what was supposed to be a rather simple surgery. For years in my early career I counseled people through … Continue reading
I sent my baby boy off to kindergarten today. Never before had I truly understood the significance of this day for parents. The tears I shed today are about far more than the fact that I will no longer have him home with me during the day; rather it marks the first in many moments … Continue reading
It was a watershed moment on the beach years ago when I realized that living in constant misery about the shape of my body was, in fact, far worse and life depleting than any number on the scale ever could be. It was a flash of insight when it became clear that I would continue … Continue reading
To be seen and known and loved, I’m learning lately how these truly are my Deepest Cravings. What was buried behind years of body shame, diet obsession and compulsive eating was a hunger for authentic living and authentic human connection. I’ve been exploring for myself all the ways I became skillful at blocking myself from attaining … Continue reading
“Thin”, “Pretty”, “Nice”. According to Brene Brown these are the 3 adjectives that top the list when research participants are asked to describe what makes for a feminine woman. As a young overweight child I was pretty convinced that I couldn’t ever attain the attribute of ‘thin’, and as I watched Charlie’s Angels and played … Continue reading
When I was at university, at the height of my war with my body, I went through a phase of going to the gym almost every night after classes to spend anywhere from an hour to 90 minutes on the Stairmaster; heart beating and dripping with sweat… those hours were a torturous ritual of me … Continue reading
There is a concept within Tibetan Buddhism that every person has three levels of being: the inner, outer and the secret being. The outer being refers to the physical self, the body. The inner being is the thinking mind which includes the ego, self-identify, feelings, and memories etc. The secret being is considered the essential … Continue reading
It is simple math that determines our size; calories in verses calories out. We all know that on an intellectual level but somehow emotionally we can begin to view our own body as a villain, an active agent, in the story we tell ourselves about our weight. We attribute evil powers to the body that … Continue reading
For so long the prospect of losing weight was the illusive solution to every problem. I was convinced that having that thin body of my dreams would offer better relationships, more success, more opportunities; to me it was like the holy grail of happiness. I no longer see weight loss as carrying the power that … Continue reading
In my history of dieting it felt like every time I would go off plan it was an excuse to count my whole day, sometimes my whole week, as a write off. I would tell myself that I could start again tomorrow next week. I would then be free and engage in an overeating ritual that was … Continue reading
Deeper Cravings 